The Jaded Jukebox

The End?

2008-01-31T09:51:00.000Z

My file server has chosen to introduce a premium service, something that I stupidly suggested, but instead of providing an improved service they have decided to cripple the bandwidth of their existing free service. As a consequence all files on this site take an unpardonable amount of time to download - which is not good. So, I'm reviewing my options... I'm not sure what I am going to do. I simply can't afford their $25 monthly fee for making access the way they should, so I'm temporarily mothballing this site until I can find a more agreeable solution.

I'll be back... Ta-ta for now!

Simon Smith & His Amazing Dancing Bear

2008-01-06T18:53:00.000Z

Brrrrr... It's Twelfth Night down here by the side of the Thames and it's bloody freezing. I'm surprised that the river hasn't frozen over. If it had we could have had an old fashioned frost fair with dwarf tossing, witch ducking and bear baiting...

"Simon Smith & His Amazing Dancing Bear" - Alan Price

Swords of a Thousand Men

2008-01-02T18:15:00.000Z

Sorry for the pregnant pause...

Let's get back to the cut and thrust with "The Swords of a Thousand Men", a suitably silly number from barking Eddie Tudor-Pole - Ooo-Rah, Ooo-Rah, Ooh-Rah-Yea!

"The Swords of a Thousand Men" - Tenpole Tudor

Permafrost

2007-12-16T22:40:00.000Z

Brrrrr... it's bloomin' freezin' here in uptown downbeat London town. Time for a little "Permafrost" from Magazine, purveyors of the shortest lived genre in the history of pop - Prog-Punk. Still, who can resist a song with date rape lyrics like "I will drug you and fuck you"?

"Permafrost" - Magazine

Come Back to Camden

2007-12-10T11:53:00.001Z

My darling daughter has moved to Camden. As a born and bred South Londoner I naturally disapprove, but I wish her well and play this song for her. Only Morrissey could write a beautiful ballad about this bellicose borough of London...

"Come Back to Camden" - Morrissey

Walk Like a Panther

2007-11-19T13:48:00.000Z

When Peter Kay made a Z-Star studded video for Tony Christie's "Is This the Way to Amarillo" it propelled the old lounge crooner and village fete opener, to number one. But a couple of years earlier he'd enjoyed chart success with this Jarvis Cocker penned number for All Seeing I...

"Walk Like a Panther" - All Seeing I

Trailerpussy

2007-11-16T00:40:00.000Z

I'm off to see The Trailerpussy Show in Mornington Crescent this evening - it's a post-modernist burlesque review (or so I keep telling myself). So whilst I'm squeezing myself into my 1950s insect repellent salesman suit and oiling what's left of my hair, here's a suitably sleazy soundtrack...

The Stripper - David Rose

High Anxiety

2007-11-14T18:27:00.000Z

After an unbeatable series of classic comedies, from "The Producers" to "Young Frankenstein", it seemed that Mel Brooks could do no wrong, but the rot had set in by the time he made this lame Hitchcock pastiche. However its Vegas style title song (best thing in the movie) is still worth a listen...

High Anxiety - Mel Brooks

Colourbox

2007-11-12T13:44:00.000Z

Here's a couple of tracks from the best 80s band you never heard of; Colourbox. "Captain Scarlet", "Future World", "Escape from New York" and Spaghetti Westerns, sliced, diced and served up in a rub-a-dub stylee...

1. Baby I Love You So
2. Looks Like We're Shy One Horse
3. Say You

Gunpowder, Treason & Plot

2007-11-05T20:55:00.000Z

Well it's Guy Fawkes Night here in the UK. The evening when we celebrate the failed attempt by Britain's first proto-anarchist to blow up the Houses of Parliament.

The air is full of billowing clouds of cordite and sulfur, and spent missiles are raining on our heads like so many malfunctioning Sputniks.

When I was a child an integral part of the festival was the burning of an effigy of the "Traitor", however these days we're all a little smarter and politically savvy. Now we mark the anniversary by setting off the biggest explosives we can afford - just to remind the over-paid feckless politicians that, at a pinch, our arsenal could be posted through their letter boxes...

1. "Smash It Up" - The Damned
2. "A-Bomb in Wardour Street" - The Jam
3. "Anarchy in the UK" - Sex Pistols
4. "Bang Bang" - B.A. Robertson

Halloween: Tunes from the Crypt (Recycled)

2007-10-21T18:50:00.002+01:00

I'm too lazy do do another Halloween compilation this year, so I am shamelessly reposting last year's "Tunes from the Crypt", complete with its own CD cover. You can also download the whole thing as a Zip file. For more spooky stuff check out my other previous Halloween posts: Ghosts, Satan, Vampires, Witches and Zombies.

Files deleted by the cunts at www.hotlinkfiles.com
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They're Coming To Take Me Away, Ha-Haaa!

2007-10-20T12:02:00.000+01:00

This 1966 single by Napoleon XIV caused some consternation amongst the feeble minded who considered it an insult to the mentally ill. I, for one, am impressed with it's minimalist approach (not a single musical note is played) and I've yet to meet a loony who doesn't love it.

"Coming To Take Me Away!" - Napoleon XIV

Remixed & Reimagined

2007-10-19T17:20:00.000+01:00

Nina Simone - young, gifted and black, and, toward the end of her career, madder than a bag of spanners. She is the latest in a long line of artists to get the postumous DJ remix treatment...

"Look of Love (Madison Park vs Lenny B Remix)" - Nina Simone

Zoo Be Zoo Be Zoo

2007-10-17T20:43:00.001+01:00

Moving right along, here's sultry Sophia Loren with a nonsensical number culled from an LP cashing in on the success of the bowdlerized movie version of George Bernard Shaw's "The Millionairess" with Peter Sellers. Zoo be zoo be zoo...

"Zoo Be Zoo Be Zoo" - Sophia Loren

Help! It's the Hair Bear Bunch

2007-10-15T18:23:00.000+01:00

After posting the previous item I was racking my brains to remember who that wigged out psycho killer reminded me of. It was of course the Afro-tastic Hair Bear from "Help! It's the Hair Bear Bunch". Seems like a reasonable enough excuse to hear the theme...

"Help! It's the Hair Bear Bunch" - Hanna Barbera

Murder = Okay (Official!)

2007-10-05T14:40:00.001+01:00

And so it's hats off to the demented, derranged, and wigged out murderer Phil Spector – two out of twelve jurors didn't believe that you silenced actress Lana Clarkson with a wall of sound (from a .38) – so you're free to go off and play golf with OJ all weekend – hurrah!

File deleted by the cunts at www.hotlinkfiles.com
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Assault on Precinct 13

2007-10-04T09:49:00.001+01:00

The term "Busted Flush" could almost have been invented for John Carpenter. His career is entirely backwards - we'd had the best of him before we'd even heard of him.

His film school debut was a "hippies in space" movie called "Dark Star". It was an extremely low budget affair, with dodgey scenes - such as a battle between a beach ball and a mop - that were carried off more through charisma than cinematography, but it had an intelligent charm that still endures to this day.

His retro noir follow up was "Assault on Precinct 13", an explosive reworking of an old Howard Hawks western called "Rio Bravo". It was dramatically and thematically as tight as a nun's arse and featured an innovative self composed soundtrack that set it apart from the crowd.

Then there was his first big success, "Halloween", the movie that launched a thousand misogynist "slasher" derivatives: Teenagers + Sex = Death, the girl with the least clothes on must die first, etc - this was the film that made up all those silly rules. However it was distinguished by another iconoclastic self-penned synthy soundtrack.

His last good movie was the "The Thing" in 1982, which saw him return to Howard Hawks' back catalogue to give the marauding walking carrot alien of the original a scarier spin.

There is a theory that right wing politics and creativity do not walk hand in hand. Perhaps it was his partnership with über right wing former child star Kurt Russell, whom he had worked with since his unlikely directorship of an Elvis biopic in 1979, that made him give up his happy hippy liberal values - who knows? Suffice to say that everything he has made since 1983 has been shit - and he's still working...

Why is he here? Why am I posting one of his compositions? Because, like it or not, John Carpenter IS a musical innovator. He may have snorted his life's work into a ball of fascist bunkham, but he's up there with Bernard Herrmann and Ennio Morricone as one of the finest film composers of the 20th century.

Files deleted by the cunts at www.hotlinkfiles.com
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Lemmings

2007-10-03T21:32:00.001+01:00

Eleven years before "Spinal Tap" Tony Hendra and Christopher Guest, under the auspices of National Lampoon, created a spoof of the Woodstock Festival called "Lemmings". One of the highlights was John Belushi's Joe Cocker number. The tragedy is that Belushi is dead and Cocker still lives.

Files deleted by the cunts at www.hotlinkfiles.com
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Mongoloid

2007-10-02T09:44:00.001+01:00

Following yesterday's slice of devolved Devo devotion here's an unusual and unlikely a cappella choral cover version of "Mongoloid" by Popchor Berlin, a twenty five person choir from Germany. Oddly it just about works... in a creepy kind of way...

Files deleted by the cunts at www.hotlinkfiles.com
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Swelling Itching Brain

2007-10-01T11:49:00.001+01:00

I've always had a soft spot for Devo ever since I saw them get pelted off the stage at Knebworth by angry Genesis fans...

So it's no suprise that I was pleased to hear that they'd got back together again and was sorry to have missed their recent London dates (chronicled so well by Kevo Thomson here).

Their "new single" may be just a jingle lifted from a Dell commercial but it's a swelling itching pleasure to see the spud boys back in action.

Files deleted by the cunts at www.hotlinkfiles.com
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Top of the Pops

2007-09-28T09:01:00.000+01:00

The Jaded Jukebox contains quite an eclectic, almost schizophrenic, selection of music. Obviously I like everything I upload, but what about you, the blog hitter and mouse clicker? What do you like?

In order to answer this question I thought it might be fun to do a bit of number crunching and present an occasional Top Ten. It isn't perfect or even accurate - newer tracks obviously have less hits than those that have been around for a while, and all tracks posted prior to May 2007 had their counters reset when I switched file hosts (well done to "Clever Trevor" for clawing its way back up to number six!)

So, here you go guys and gals...
Here's the Toppermost of the Poppermost...

01: Peanut Butter Jelly Time - Chip-Man & the Buckwheat Boys
02: The Persuaders! - John Barry
03: The Money Programme - Jimmy Smith
04: The Laughing Gnome (Slowed Down) - David Bowie
05: Think Twice (Version X) - Jackie Wilson & LaVern Baker
06: Clever Trevor - Ian Dury
07: Lullaby from Rosemary's Baby - Mia Farrow
08: Sex Shop Boogaloo - John Zorn
09: Prisoner (Number 6 Mix) - Bang Bang
10: Belleville Rendez-Vous - Ben Charest

A Hip-Hop song at Number 1? Who would have thunk it???

Guns, Cars & Sitars

2007-09-26T14:52:00.000+01:00

This week I have mostly been listening to 70's Bollywood Funk - in particular a compilation of Kalyanji and Anandji Shah soundtracks entitled "Bombay the Hard Way". Every track is a winner, but I particularly like the non-plussed dialogue in the opening of this number...

"Inspector Jay from Dehli" - K & A Shah

Boldy Going (Again)

2007-09-24T11:49:00.000+01:00

Now that normal service has resumed, we're boldy going again (where many blogs have gone before) with a groovy guitar version of the Star Trek Theme.

Q: Why was Lt. Uhuru crying?
A: Because William Shat'n'er

Star Trek Theme - The Secret Agents

Bandwidth Blowout! (Resolved)

2007-09-17T15:50:00.000+01:00

My file host offers me a generous 8 gigs of bandwidth per month, and yet, halfway through September, I have already used over 80%. What does this mean? Well, file requests toward the end of this month may be refused - If you find yourself with a "bandwidth exceeded" message I apologise.

UPDATE
Turned out to be a bug in the system - everything is tickety-boo now...

The Shadow Knows...

2007-09-14T20:57:00.000+01:00

Who knows what evil lurks in the heart of men? Link Wray and his Ray Men seem to know. Twangy guitar riffs and pantomime villain laughter collide in this 60s pop topper tribute to Walter B. Gibson's crime fighting pulp hero The Shadow.

"The Shadow Knows" - Link Wray

Deutsch Amerikanische Freundschaft

2007-09-12T13:29:00.000+01:00

D.A.F. – 80s German Electro-Punk at it's best. The jackboot drums and synth doodlings of Robert Görl combined with the shouty/breathy vocals of Gabi Delgado – like some insistent chihuahua humping your leg – "Küss Mich!!!"

1: "Der Mussolini"
2: "Der Rauber und der Prinz"

Zoo

2007-09-10T21:03:00.001+01:00

I've been getting stuck into stuckism.... Here's a Jaded Jukebox exclusive, a track from Billy Childish's eagerly awaited 2007 CD, "Poems of a Backwater Visionary", due for release later this year from 57 Productions....

"Zoo" - Billy Childish

This Was Pop 2002-2007

2007-09-08T13:26:00.000+01:00

Mark Vidler (AKA Go Home Productions) has just released his enitre back catalogue of bootlegs and mashups from the past five years as free downloads. The chances are that they will probably only be available for a limited time so grab them while you can!

"Karma in the Life" - Beatles/Radiohead

Betty Davis: Nasty Gal

2007-09-07T11:02:00.001+01:00

Lately I've been listening to a lot of Betty Davis - no, not the old movie star, but the soul to the bone nasty gal of 70s funk. As she says in "Shoo-B-Doop"; she can do it until the cows come home...

1: "Shoo-B-Doop and Cop Him"
2: "Anti Love Song"
3: "Nasty Gal"

Disco Medley

2007-09-05T09:46:00.000+01:00

It's a dull and dreary day here in downtown London, gray skies above and gray people below, so let's put on our dancing shoes and have a little dance, shall we? Here's the Black Arabs murdering the Sex Pistols' back catalogue from the soundtrack of "The Great Rock'n'Roll Swindle".

"Disco Medley" - Black Arabs

Bowie Poo Poos Who

2007-09-03T09:11:00.000+01:00

David Bowie and the BBC were quick to scotch the rumour that he was to appear as an alien baddie in "Doctor Who". Bowie has turned down a part on the show before, fearing that he might be typecast (as a bad actor). All of this is just a cheap excuse for me to play Lulu...

"The Man WHO sold the World" - Lulu

Diana - A Nation Mourns

2007-08-31T09:16:00.001+01:00

And so as the UK weeps, I would like to pay my own personal tribute to Diana who passed away 23 years and 119 days ago. Born with the amusing name of Diana Fluck, this Swindon gal soon became the hottest star in the J. Arthur Rank Organisation in the 1950s, with such films as "Good Time Girl" and "Yield to the Night".

In the 70s her career, and her figure, went into sharp decline and she began to appear in a series of forgettable British softcore movies like "The Amourous Milkman" and "Keep It Up Downstairs".

She might have lost her looks but she never lost her iconic status. She can be seen on the covers of "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" and the Smith's "Singles" compilation.

In 1981 she finally found her Prince Charming in the shape of Adam Ant and made a memorable appearance as a Fairy Godmother in his video.

And so, on this special day, we remember Diana Dors - she may not have been the People's Princess, but she was the Queen of Tarts...

"The Gentleman is a Dope" - Diana Dors

Peter Gunn

2007-08-22T09:23:00.001+01:00

Over on the wonderful Xtabay's World there's a terrific compilation of 37 cover versions of Henry Mancini's rifftastic "Peter Gunn". One notable omission is Sarah Vaughn's vocal rendition - so here's the Max Sedgley Remix...

"Peter Gunn (Max Sedgley Remix)" - Sarah Vaughn

Metal Beat

2007-08-17T09:13:00.001+01:00

Chisel jawed and impossibly skinny John Foxx was the original vocalist with Ultravox before they became famous (and before they became crap). His solo career was diverse and undeniably patchy but this über dry minimalist track from his first LP still sounds good today.

"Metal Beat" - John Foxx

My Lovely Horse

2007-08-13T09:01:00.001+01:00

There's a video doing the rounds of The Divine Comedy's "perfect" Eurovision song called "Trafalgar". Of course this isn't the first time that Hannon and co have played with the format - who could forget "My Lovely Horse" written for the comedy show Father Ted in 1996?

"My Lovely Horse" - The Divine Comedy

RIP Mr Madchester

2007-08-11T16:32:00.000+01:00

And so farewell Tony Wilson, Mr Madchester, Head Honcho of the Haçienda and Foreman at the Factory. Was it unfair that he was played by Alan Partridge in "24 Hour Party People"? No - they were very alike in a lot of respects. Here's a suitable requiem from Factory's finest signing.

"Atmosphere" - Joy Division

Oops... Ich Wiederholte Es

2007-08-10T08:46:00.000+01:00

Hot on the heels of Mark Ronson's cover of "Toxic", here's some more Britney bashing, this time from Max Rabbe und das Palast Orchester and his Berliner Cabaret version of "Oops - I Did It Again"

"Oops - I Did It Again" - Max Rabbe und das Palast Orchester

Ne Me Quitte Pas

2007-08-09T15:13:00.001+01:00

Jacques Brel's most famous heart breaking torch song has attracted many cover versions from many diverse arists. From Scott Walker's uber-dramatic interpretation to Nina Simone's painful paper-thin lament to Dame Shirley's Hi-Energy dance floor filler. It is a credit to integrity of the song that it manages to transcend both time and style.

"If You Go Away" - Scott Walker
"Ne Me Quitte Pas" - Nina Simone
"If You Go Away" Shirley Bassey

Tributo a the Cure

2007-08-08T14:48:00.000+01:00

To any sane person a Latino Pop compilation of Cure cover versions might have seemed like a bad idea, and yet some how it works. Si*s's take on "Just Like Heaven" in particular takes the gloomy goth gabble of Robert Smith and gives it a satisfyingly hispanic spin.

"Como el Chico (Just Like Heaven)" - Si*s

Stand By Your Maaan!

2007-08-07T14:30:00.000+01:00

In 1982 pointy nippled Plasmatics singer Wendy O. Williams and boil encrusted Motörhead guitarist Lemmy teamed up to murder an old Tammy Wynette standard. How did they score? Well, perhaps the title of the EP gives it away: Wendy 0. Lemmy 0.

"Stand By Your Man" - Wendy O & Lemmy

The Jaded Jukebox celebrates its first birthday!

2007-08-06T08:58:00.000+01:00

We are one year old today! Three hundred and sixty five days ago we uploaded our first track - this saucy little number from Jackie Wilson and LaVern Baker - and haven't looked back since. Every file is still on line so please feel free to trawl the archives or visit our A-Z...

"Think Twice (Version X)"
- Jackie Wilson & LaVern Baker

The Money Programme

2007-08-05T20:14:00.000+01:00

In the 70s and 80s I often found myself watching the first two minutes of BBC2's tedious "Money Programme" simply because its sleazy, brappy brass theme tune was so insidious. It may have also indirectly influenced the generation that made the 80s so selfish and morally bankrupt...

"The Money Programme" - Jimmy Smith

Toxic

2007-08-01T17:20:00.001+01:00

Mark Ronson is a fine producer, but must be burnt at the stake for his sacrilegiously crap cover version of The Smiths' "Stop Me!" However he is on more forgivable ground with this better-than-the-original version of "troubled" Britney Spears' "Toxic"...

"Toxic (featuring Tiggers)" - Mark Ronson

E War Woo War

2007-07-31T16:50:00.000+01:00

The gag went:
Q: Why does Edward Woodward have three "D"s in his name?
A: Because if he didn't he'd be "E-War-Woo-War"...

Here's the excellent theme tune for "The Equalizer" by Police drummer Stuart Copeland.

"Equalizer Busy Equalizing" - Stuart Copeland

Creep

2007-07-30T09:16:00.000+01:00

Time for another slice of cheese from Richard Cheese. This time he's adding a cocktail umbrella and a dash of Vermouth to an old Radiohead classic...

"Creep (Radiohead Cover)" - Richard Cheese

The Beijing Sanskrit Juvenile Chorus

2007-07-29T09:35:00.000+01:00

I feel quite soiled and grubby after "Porno Week" so, in an attempt to cleanse the palate, here's a track to purify your ears from an album by the Beijing Sanskrit Juvenile Chorus called "Joyous Mantras of Five Fortune Deities"... ohmmmmm...

"Black Fortune Deity"
- The Beijing Sanskrit Juvenile Chorus

Porno Week: Insatiable

2007-07-28T15:36:00.000+01:00

Originally I had planned to post "Shame on You" from the soundtrack of "Insatiable" as sung by Marilyn Chambers but it so indescribably bad that I've decided against it (if you really really want to hear it click here). Instead here's a track from John Zorn that's much better...

"Sex Shop Boogaloo" - John Zorn

Porno Week: Vampyros Lesbos

2007-07-27T10:36:00.000+01:00

Jesús Franco took the Hammer Horror Film's predeliction for orthodontally challenged carpet munchers and gave it a typically European softcore spin in 1971's "Vampyros Lesbos". A truly terrible film with quite a good soundtrack...

"The Lion & the Cucumber" - Manfred Hubler & Siegfried Schwab

Porno Week: Deep Throat

2007-07-26T08:16:00.000+01:00

The soundtrack of arguably the most famous and most talked about porn movie of all time, 1972's "Deep Throat", features music that ranges from the usual bow-chicca-chicca to James Bond pastiche to crude naive folk. One track even has a solo played on a saw (I kid you not!). Needless to say the lyrics are quite possibly the worst ever written:

Deep throat,
Don't row your boat,
Don't get your goat,
That's all she wrote,
Deep throat.

"Deep Throat" - NOT Shirley Bassey
"She's Got to Have It" - T.J. Stone

Porno Week: The Devil in Miss Jones

2007-07-25T07:01:00.000+01:00

"The Devil in Miss Jones" was one of the first porno movies with an actual plot - consequently it's a curious concoction.

The story line is bleak - very bleak. Justine Jones is a plain, lonely middle-aged virgin who commits suicide and is sent to Hell. She asks to be returned to earth long enough to truly earn her place in Hades. There then follows a series of unattractive sexual encounters, each one more extreme than the other, each one more desensitizing than the last. When her time is finally up she is brought to a brightly neon-lit room to spend all eternity alone with an impotent man interested only in talking to an imaginary fly.

It's a pretty grim affair, but also a strangely rewarding cinematic experience. The film is also unusual in that it has an original orchestral score that, had it not been used for a porn flick, might have enjoyed greater recognition.

"In the Beginning" - Alden Shuman
"Love Lessons" - Alden Shuman

Porno Week: Sex World

2007-07-24T14:27:00.001+01:00

"Welcome to Sex World. Sex World provides the stimulus, the partners, the time and the atmosphere to explore any and all areas of sexual gratification, free from hang-ups and outmoded attitudes of our present Victorian society..."

"Sex World" - Barry Lipman

Porno Week: Iena

2007-07-23T14:13:00.000+01:00

Another hiatus - I've been away on holiday (on the rain soaked Devonshire coast), so let's get back into the swing of things with a sleazy week's worth of Porn soundtracks. To kick off the proceedings here's some 70's Italian softcore sleaze that's more Benny Hill than Bump and Grind...

"Iena Sequence" - Roberto Pregadio

Your Mother's Got a Penis

2007-07-09T11:58:00.001+01:00

This is probably the most infantile and purile song that I've ever heard, but there's a certain naive charm to this lo-fi childish playground taunt from those unlikely Welsh pop-rappers Goldie Lookin Chain.

"Your Mother's Got a Penis"
- Goldie Lookin Chain

Les Triplets de Belleville

2007-07-04T11:40:00.000+01:00

This jangly Django-ly retro jazz track comes from the finest animated feature ever made. Stuff the Disney oeuvre, there is nothing in their cringingly corny catalogue that comes even close to the slick, surreal, retro and radical excellence that is "Belleville Rendez-Vous"...

"Les Triplets de Belleville" - Ben Charest

Joe 90 World Intelligence (I Want to Help You)

2007-07-02T11:29:00.000+01:00

What would you call a man who uses his nine year old son as a guinea pig for untested scientific experiments and then sends him off to dangerous war zones to do battle with mustachioed terrorists? You wouldn't call him anything - you'd call social services instead...

"Joe 90 (Main Man Mix)" - 3 to the Power

Wildworld

2007-06-27T13:28:00.000+01:00

Don't push me,
Don't push me,
Don't push me,
And don't push my wild girl.

A pre-Bad Seeds Nick Cave delivers his finest song with 80s seminal Australian wünder-band The Birthday Party.

"Wildworld" - The Birthday Party

Raiding the 20th Century

2007-06-26T13:41:00.000+01:00

In years to come this hour long megamix by DJ Food will be played in schools. It is not only an essential overview of late 20th century music and culture, but it is also the definitive history of tape manipulation, mash-ups and re-interpreting the past.

"Raiding the 20th Century" - DJ Food

Schnappi, Das Kleine Krokodil

2007-06-25T10:01:00.000+01:00

Schnappi was a German cartoon character in a series of forgettable children's shows. It's catchy theme tune topped the charts not only in Germany but in the rest of Europe and inspired Kraut-Shout-Rockers Ramstein to do a cover version.

"Schnappi, Das Kleine Krokodil" - Schnappi
"Schnappi" - Ramstein

Salvador Dali Teaches Rex Harrison How To Say 'Butterfly'

2007-06-24T10:57:00.000+01:00

Here's a great track from Robotic Intergalactic Astro-Artist's "Sounds for the Space-Set" mash-up compilation in which washed up surrealist Salvador Dali idles his time in New York by teaching actor Rex Harrison how to say the word "Butterfly"...

"Salvador Dali Teaches Rex Harrison" - RIAA

Repressed Hositility Blues

2007-06-23T11:07:00.000+01:00

WFMU's Beware of the Blog's 365 day project provides a uniquely weird and wonderful tune for every day of the year - like this little psycho drama by Katie Lee from her album "Songs of Couch and Consultation".

"Repressed Hosility Blues" - Katie Lee

Falling

2007-06-22T19:01:00.000+01:00

I've been busy the past couple of weeks and haven't had a chance to update the Jukebox, so let's get back on track with this synthetic cover version of David Lynch's "Falling" from "Twin Peaks" as "sung" by Mr Hopkinson's Computer, and featuring the mesmeric Audrey 3000...

"Falling" - Mr Hopkinson's Computer

6 aint 9

2007-06-08T20:02:00.000+01:00

Rumour and speculation still surround the proposed Hollywood remake of the 60s cult TV series "The Prisoner". However one thing seems to be certain – Number Six is not going to be (Doctor Who) Number Nine. Perhaps Christopher Eccleston realised that whoever steps into Number Six's shoes would also be stepping into a big Number Two...

1. The Prisoner (Number 6 Mix) - Bang Bang
2. The Prisoner (Free Man Remix) - 3 to the Power

My Whole World

2007-06-06T16:17:00.000+01:00

Ari Up, ex Slits lead singer, better known (perhaps) as Johnny Rotten's step daughter, has a voice so piercing that it can strip paint. Several years after her mud-caked nude appearance on the Slits debut/only album, she fronted the New Age Steppers...

"My Whole World" - New Age Steppers

It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time!

2007-06-05T14:28:00.000+01:00

Anyone who knows me will tell you that I love Peanut Butter. I don't even bother with bread, I just eat it straight out of the jar. Hell, I don't even bother with a spoon. So how could I not love a song that mentions Peanut Butter over 500 times?

"Peanut Butter Jelly Time (Ying Yang Twins Remix)" - Chip-Man & the Buckwheat Boys

The "Real" Laughing Gnome

2007-06-04T07:46:00.000+01:00

A couple of years ago Sean at Said the Gramophone posted a slowed down version of an Alvin & the Chipmunks Christmas song, "Christmas Don't Be Late"...

"Yes, hear Simon, Theodore and Alvin at their true speed, sounding respectively like an accountant, a hot-dog vendor, and a lunatic. Put it on repeat and you'll drift gradually into madness - it's like an acid flashback to fetal languor, the surreal sounds that filtered through the uterine wall".

The link on his site no longer works, but you can hear it here.

Inspired by this I thought I'd play around with David Bowie's 1967 novelty single "The Laughing Gnome". Using pirated technology I was able to lower the pitch without slowing the song down, so, unlike the chipmunks redux, it doesn't go on for four and a half hours.

Anyway, here's a young 19 year old Bowie as he would have sounded in real time supplying the Gnome's voice - "Ha Ha Ha. Hee Hee Hee."

"Laughing Gnome (Slowed Down)" - David Bowie

The Talking Asshole

2007-06-02T10:13:00.000+01:00

Frank Zappa reads an extract from "The Naked Lunch" by William S. Burroughs at the Nova Convention. This is my cleaned up version of the file over at Ubu Web – I've removed all the clicks and crackle. To hear the original, and others pieces from the convention, click here...

"The Talking Asshole" - Frank Zappa

It was 40 years ago today...

2007-06-01T14:45:00.000+01:00

...that Sergeant Pepper taught his band to play...

Unfortunately I don't have that LP, so here's Soulwax (AKA 2 Many DJs) with their kraftwerkified mash up of "Eleanor Rigby" instead...

"Beatles vs Kraftwerk" - Soulwax

$cientology Sucks!

2007-05-31T12:14:00.001+01:00

I'm risking the wrath of the Thetans by posting this little ditty from Tom Cruise and John Travolta's least favourite band. Enturbulator 009 are Hip-Hop pranksters whose (extremely) vocal attacks on Old Mother Hubbard's flim-flam operation have made them enemies of the men in black.

"$cientology Sucks!" - Enturbulator 009

Lullaby

2007-05-30T11:54:00.000+01:00

I love lullabies in horror movies. Musically they mirror one of the essential facets of the genre - lulling you into a false sense of security before blowing you away. Here's the scariest mother of them all, Mia Farrow, singing the sweet yet creepy title track from "Rosemary's Baby"...

"Lullaby" - Mia Farrow

Dirty Fan Male

2007-05-29T10:54:00.000+01:00

In 2002 out of work advertising copywriter Jonny Trunk supplemented his income by answering fan mail for his soft porn artiste sister, Eve Vorley. He was so successful that he started answering fan mail for all her page 3 model and porn star friends.

Enter out of work actor Ducan Wisbey, who, using his skills as a mimic, turned these disturbed/disturbing diatribes into an entertaining cabaret routine, using the voices of James Mason and Cary Grant to read out the baffling and often incomprehensible correspondence. The surreality and sad-fuck nature of the pieces brought them to the attention of BBC Radio London, who broadcast some of the tamer examples.

Fast forward to 2006 where Trunk and Wisbey are at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival with a stage show version of the letters...

1. "Martin's First Letter"
2. "I am a Pervert"
3. "Dirty Fan Male: The Show (First Ten Minutes)"

Space Oddity

2007-05-28T07:32:00.000+01:00

Appearing amongst a panoply of "talent" on a new compilation of cover versions called "Bowiemania", is French electronic performer and composer Émilie Simon. She does at times sound like a shrill Gallic Cilla Black, but her minimal contribution is easily the best on the album.

"Space Oddity" - Émilie Simon

The Persuaders!

2007-05-28T06:34:00.000+01:00

Legendary soundtrack composer John Barry wrote theme tune for "The Persuaders!", and it is undoubtedly one of his finest compositions, if not the finest. It's such a shame that the show itself was such an enormous stinking pile of horse manure...

"The Persuaders!" - John Barry
"The Persuaders (Farewell Mix)" - Justin Sherry

Rain Rain Rain

2007-05-27T23:09:00.000+01:00

It hasn't stopped raining here in London for the past three days and it looks like we're in for plenty more tomorrow. At this rate perhaps I should consider trading in my bicycle for a pedalo...

1. "I Can't Stand the Rain" - Ann Peebles
2. "Walking in the Rain" - Grace Jones

Rapture

2007-05-27T09:04:00.000+01:00

Here's the Dub Pistols' take on an old Blondie track featuring former Specials front man Terry Hall on Debbie duty. It's not enormously different from the orignal, but it is vastly improved by the absence of Ms Harry's rubbish attempt at rapping...

"Rapture (featuring Terry Hall)" - Dub Pistols

Music to Watch Space Girls By

2007-05-26T16:20:00.000+01:00

Contrary to what the cover might suggest, this Mooged-Up "futuristic" version of that slightly sexist old Andy Williams number does not feature a tuneless karaoke performance from Leonard Nimoy - which is probably a good thing! Taken from an LP designed to cash in on the gullibility of the hapless Trekkie fan base.

"Music to Watch Space Girls By"

London is Paranoid

2007-05-26T11:39:00.000+01:00

Neurosis in the UK's capital is the subject of this rhyming rant from Britain's "first gay socialist transvestite poet", Chloe Poems. Backed by The Lord Mongo band, this song appears on a double A side 7" single with Rosie Lugosi, the lesbian vampire queen, on the reverse.

"London is Paranoid" - Chloe Poems

Thunderbirds (Rejected Theme)

2007-05-25T07:24:00.000+01:00

Barry Gray's first attempt at a theme tune for "Thunderbirds" was very different from the stirring orchestral number that we know. It featured twangy guitars and Gary Miller, who supplied the vocals for "Stingray" and "Aqua Marina". This and many other rarities can be found at the superb Barry Gray Music Sampler site.

"Thunderbirds (Rejected Theme)" - Barry Gray

Detachable Penis

2007-05-24T08:04:00.000+01:00

Many thanks to Mr Davies in Rudry, Wales, for emailing me this musical missing member monologue - a one-hit-wonder from avant garde rockers King Missile...

"Detachable Penis" - King Missile

Tic Tic Tic

2007-05-23T11:16:00.000+01:00

Actor Robert Mitchum was quite a character. Born in Connecticut in 1917, the son of Norwegian immigrants, he lead a colourful life. Expelled from school after school (one incident involved a punch up with the principal), he eventually ran away from home, hitching rides on railroad cars that took him the length and breadth of the country. He drifted from job to job, became a professional boxer, got arrested for vagrancy, escaped from a chain gang, became a poet, and had a nervous breakdown, all before finally finding his calling as one of Hollywood's finest film noir actors.

At the height of his fame in 1948 he was busted for possession of marijuana and spent 60 days at a Californian prison farm. Although the arrest was an embarrassment to the studio, it didn't really bother Mitchum and did little to damage his career.

In 1957, whilst filming in Tobago, he met calypso legend the Mighty Sparrow - a meeting that inspired him to write and record a calypso LP of his own: "Calypso - is like so...". Surprisingly it's not bad! I particularly like this everyday tale of theft and invasive body searches...

"Tic Tic Tic" - Robert Mitchum

Feztastic

2007-05-22T10:27:00.000+01:00

Big Al Davies is a fez-topped internet icon - a legend on the photo sharing web site Flickr and a damn fine composer of catchy toe-tapping tunes. After a long gestation his latest CD, "Feztastic", has finally been released. Here's a taster...

"Frascati Halloween" - Big Al Davies

Gilbert & George Go Shopping

2007-05-19T16:46:00.000+01:00

Somewhere in London Gilbert and George, contemporary art's answer to Laurel and Hardy, decide to put down their paintbrushes and palettes and pop out to do a little bit of shopping...

"Gilbert & George Go Shopping"

Punks, Get Off the Grass

2007-05-18T15:20:00.000+01:00

I've moved all the files to a new zippier host so we're back in business. To celebrate here's the former proprietress of a thrift store called "Edith's Shopping Bag" - John Water's muse, Edith Massey - with some words of advice for young people...

"Punks, Get Off the Grass!" - Edie & the Eggs

Sorry for the delay...

2007-05-12T13:35:00.000+01:00

Apologies for the hiatus. My file host isn't allowing uploads at the moment - it may be undergoing maintenance. All existing files are available, I just can't upload anything new. If it goes on much longer I'll have to look for a new host, in the meantime have a trawl through the archives, visit the A-Z or click on one of the many wonderful links in the sidebar.

Yé-Yé Girl

2007-04-30T12:15:00.000+01:00

In 1958 Egyptian born Gillian Hills captured the eye of pervy playboy Roger Vadim. Perhaps it was her uncanny resemblance to his ex, Brigitte Bardot, that convinced him that she should star in his new steamy movie, "Les Liaisons Dangereuses". However, since she was only fourteen at the time, she was too young to sign a contract.

She had to wait two years before her celluloid debut in the seminal beat movie "Wild for Kicks" (AKA "Beat Girl") where she played a wayward spoiled teenager lured into the seedy world of bongo bashing "jazz" clubs.

The moderate success of the movie allowed her to hitch onto the French Yé-Yé scene and her brief musical career saw he release of several eps and a collaboration with Serge Gainsbourg.

In 1966 she was briefly seen wrestling (naked) with Jane Birkin in Antonio's "Blow-Up" and in 1971 spent 59 seconds (naked) in Stanley Kubrick's "A Clockwork Orange". After that she decided to keep her clothes on and became an illustrator before apparently disappearing off the face of the planet in 1980. Believed, and widely reported, to have died in a fire, she was later found alive and well in 1995, married to the manager of heavy metal kraut rockers Scorpion.

An undistinguished career? Au contraire!
Gillian Hills was a Yé-Yé Girl to the max.

1. "Tut, tut, tut, tut"
2. "C'est le garçon"
3. "Oublie"
4. "Zou bisou bisou"

I Love You, Ono

2007-04-28T16:07:00.000+01:00

No, not another ballad for Yoko, but rather a slice of quirky Europop from French/German duo Françoise Cactus and Brezel Göring - better known as Stereo Total...

"I Love You, Ono" - Stereo Total

The Blob

2007-04-23T17:07:00.000+01:00

Burt Bacarach's back catalogue is full of iconic standards – "The Look of Love", "Downtown", "Walk on By", "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head" to name but a few. But many people overlook the significance of his earlier work, like this classic, composed for the 1958 movie "The Blob"...

"The Blob" - The Five Blobs

Intermission - The Gods are Bored

2007-04-22T16:55:00.000+01:00

In attempt to replace various much loved, scratched-to-pieces 7" singles, I have been hunting high and low for certain songs. This one in particular, from ZZT signing Anne Pigalle, although so far I've only managed to track down the French version...

"Intermission" - Anne Pigalle

Silence of the Lambs: The Musical

2007-04-21T10:31:00.000+01:00

Having worked on "Jerry Springer the Opera" and "Thalidomide a Musical" I suppose I shouldn't be surprised by Jon and Al Kaplan's oeuvre.

The brothers were students at LA's USC when they wrote the score to "Silence!" - a musical version of "Silence of the Lambs", which was eventually staged off-off-off-Broadway in 2005. With catchy numbers such as "If I Could Smell her Cunt" and positive press reviews, they went on to write two further musicals "Fox News" and "Robocop"!

1. "The Silence of the Lambs" - The Lambs (from "Silence!")
2. "Fox News Alert!" - The Cast (from "Fox News the Musical")
3. "Murphy, it's You" - Robocop & Officer Lewis (from "Robocop: the Musical")

Jelly Belly

2007-04-19T13:34:00.000+01:00

Nai Bonet was an Armenian Belly Dancer, who in 1966, prior to pursuing an uneventful acting career, released the ultimate belly dancing go-go record, "Jelly Belly". It's not only a catchy number, it's also immensely instructional!

"Jelly Belly" - Nai Bonet

Rape Me!

2007-04-18T11:54:00.000+01:00

Another contender for my "Cover Versions that are Better than the Originals" compilation, here's Richard Cheese (LA's answer to Mike Flowers) with his lounge take on Kurt "self-proclaimed-feminist" Cobain's controversial, and largely riviled, supposedly anti-rape song.

"Rape Me" - Richard Cheese

Whatever Happened to Eddie?

2007-04-17T11:42:00.000+01:00

Whatever Happened to Eddie, the pointy-eared wolf child of Herman and Lily Munster? Well, according to Butch Patrick, the actor who played him, he released a "punk" record in 1983. There's an excruciatingly bad reggae number on the B-side but I think I'll spare you that horror...

Whatever Happened to Eddie? - Butch Patrick

Picture on the Wall

2007-04-15T10:23:00.000+01:00

It's a beautifully sunny day here in downtown London so I think we'll open a can of ginger beer, fire up the chalice and kick back with a little reggae from Nottingham's nattiest - the Natural-Ites.

"Picture on the Wall" - Natural-Ites

R.A.F.

2007-04-14T08:20:00.000+01:00

I have a box of 7" singles that have been loved so much that they're really too scratched to play, so I was very glad to come across this old 80s avant-funk number by Snatch at the Direct Waves blog. Now, if only I could find "Intermission" by Anne Pigalle...

"R.A.F." - Snatch/Brian Eno

Hot Nuts

2007-04-12T08:14:00.000+01:00

Lil Johnson was a 20s & 30s Blues singer whose risqué repetoir was largely based around food=sex innuendos, hence numbers like "Sam the Hot Dog Man", "Does Anyone Want to Buy My Cabbage?", "You'll Never Miss Your Jelly Till Your Jelly-Roller's Gone" and "Hot Nuts"...

"Get 'Em from the Peanut Man" - Lil Johnson

Xanadu

2007-04-05T13:20:00.000+01:00

Spring is here, the Sun is shining, the flowers are blooming and my sense of musical taste has gone (briefly) into hibernation - which means that I can enjoy unparalleled shit like this without any guilt!

"Xanadu" - Olivia Neutron-Bomb

What's Wrong?

2007-04-03T14:10:00.000+01:00

Sometime before George Lucas lost the ability to make a halfway decent movie and deciding that a skilfully trimmed beard could somehow suggest a jaw-line and draw attention away from a bizarre, bulbous, goiteresque neck, he made a film called "THX 1138".

Originally titled as "Electronic Labyrinth THX 1138:4EB" (after his telephone number), the movie was George's end of term school project for the USC School of Cinematic Arts. Failing to get into the air force (too many speeding tickets) and the army (diabetes) he somehow got to remake the film in 1971 with Robert Duval (must have needed the cocaine) and Donald Pleasance (must have needed the work). Surprisingly it turned out to be quite good. Good enough for me to go and see it and good enough for Gorge to edit in a whole bunch of crappy CGI "improvements" 33 years later.

Prior to it's post-Star Wars make over, the soundtrack was sampled to death by Unkle in this dreamy trip-hop melange that manages to capture the dystopian spirit that George had before he gave up the drugs and completely lost the plot.

"I Need Something Stronger" - Unkle

Mondo Topless

2007-03-28T08:26:00.000+01:00

Here another slice of springtime sleaze from the soundtrack of Russ Meyer's 1966 "documentary" Mondo Topless performed by the (never to be heard of again) Aladdins. The movie details the day-to-day realities of being a "buxotic" dancer in 1960s San Francisco...

1. Introduction
2. Underwater Sports
3. Berlin Blues
4. The End

Eurovision 2007

2007-03-23T14:45:00.000Z

It's that time of year when Europe does battle to find the cheesiest song that the continent can supply. Up to bat for the Brits are Scooch with a number that's so camp it makes Tom Cruise seem almost plausibly heterosexual. I'm rooting for Bulgaria.

1. "Flying the Flag" UK - Scooch
2. "Voda (Water)" Bulgaria - Elitsa

Everything is Fresh Today

2007-03-20T09:19:00.000Z

Extolling the values (and possibly perils) of eating fresh fruit, here's Jack Hodges, the "Raspberry King", with a flatulently winning number from 1927...

"Everything is Fresh Today" - Jack Hodges

Las Vegas Grind

2007-03-16T08:22:00.000Z

Here's a selection from an excellent compilation of 50s and 60s Vegas strip joint music. You can download the whole thing over at the wonderful Psychotic Leisure Music blog.

1. "The Strip" - The Upsetters
2. "Honey Rock" - Barney Kessel
3. "Gismo" - Jimmy Heap & His Orchestra
4. "Pimples & Braces" - Ric Gray